So there's this boy. For the purposes of here, let's just call him ... James.
James is two years younger than me whom I have never talked to. And he's cute, and I'm not the only one that thinks that. I have these two friends who are actually quite good friends with James, and they decided to tell James that I thought he was adorable. So thanks, buddies, for letting him know that I think he's cute. How embarrassing.
But no. Apparently James has never said anything negative or bad about me, but that he's flattered that I think he's cute. You would expect somebody's initial reaction to be like, "ew, that girl thinks I'm cute? She must be weird and creepy and I don't like her." And I completely understand that reaction. So I didn't believe my two friends when they told me that.
Then yesterday, we did the tradition that is to hug everyone to thank them for our help and support throughout the season. That meant hugging James. As he walked up to me, he had the biggest, most brightest smile I have ever seen on anybody which caught me completely off-guard. It felt as if we were good friends and he was just hugging me like it was normal. He said a tiny little "hi" and hugged me.
Later in the day yesterday, a couple of James' friends walked up to James and asked him in a very negative connotation, "so how was it like hugging Shelley?" I expected him to say something like "it was weird" or "I wasn't thinking about it" but instead he told his friends that he thought I was pretty.
It's people like him who can make me feel like no one else can make me feel. It's hard to believe that someone who knows I am a creep on him can still manage to not say anything bad about me but to say nice things instead. And I can't be more appreciative. It's little things like this that make me incredibly happy and I think there should be more people out in the world just like him.
So thank you, James, for making yesterday special for me. You have no idea how memorable you are and how blessed you make me feel. I don't think I will ever forget this.
James is two years younger than me whom I have never talked to. And he's cute, and I'm not the only one that thinks that. I have these two friends who are actually quite good friends with James, and they decided to tell James that I thought he was adorable. So thanks, buddies, for letting him know that I think he's cute. How embarrassing.
But no. Apparently James has never said anything negative or bad about me, but that he's flattered that I think he's cute. You would expect somebody's initial reaction to be like, "ew, that girl thinks I'm cute? She must be weird and creepy and I don't like her." And I completely understand that reaction. So I didn't believe my two friends when they told me that.
Then yesterday, we did the tradition that is to hug everyone to thank them for our help and support throughout the season. That meant hugging James. As he walked up to me, he had the biggest, most brightest smile I have ever seen on anybody which caught me completely off-guard. It felt as if we were good friends and he was just hugging me like it was normal. He said a tiny little "hi" and hugged me.
Later in the day yesterday, a couple of James' friends walked up to James and asked him in a very negative connotation, "so how was it like hugging Shelley?" I expected him to say something like "it was weird" or "I wasn't thinking about it" but instead he told his friends that he thought I was pretty.
It's people like him who can make me feel like no one else can make me feel. It's hard to believe that someone who knows I am a creep on him can still manage to not say anything bad about me but to say nice things instead. And I can't be more appreciative. It's little things like this that make me incredibly happy and I think there should be more people out in the world just like him.
So thank you, James, for making yesterday special for me. You have no idea how memorable you are and how blessed you make me feel. I don't think I will ever forget this.
- Mood:
peaceful
What am I doing?
I have had three bad weeks in a row, and it does not look like it is going to get any better from here. My two closest friends are now living in different cities and I feel so alone. I don't have them with me anymore. When I am with my friends now, I feel like it is not the same. They will leave me out, forget about me, and especially overlook me. It all feels so different, and I don't like it at all. I don't like being stepped on, being forgotten and just passed by. Even the few friends that I do spend time with now, I still feel like I am the one that does not belong. And then there is this girl. I used to consider her one of my best friends, but then she showed me her true colors which was that having fun was much more important to her than our friendship. And then now, I do not want to be her friend anymore, let alone her best friend. But now, she is there every single day around me like she never did anything to hurt me before. And I cannot stand it. Also, one person whom I consider one of my closer friends nowadays is starting to get on my nerves. I never thought it would happen, but sometimes I just cannot deal with her rude remarks, her criticisms, her attitude, and her stubborn personality. I just hate it, and I've tried to get away from them/it all, but it never really ends up working. And most of the time, it just ends up making me sad or even mad.
I miss my two old best friends who moved away to different cities. I could tell them anything and they would always understand me. We enjoyed similar things, we laughed about the same things, and they were great. But now they are both living different lives, and I can barely talk to either one of them anymore. One is getting better and better every day, straying away from her long-term depression and into a new, happy life and I could not be happier for her, even if I costs us not talking nearly as much. The other friend is living a different life. Her new life changed her into someone I don't want to know. Someone who does not mind drug use whatsoever, someone who is sarcastic, temperamental, superficial, lazy, and somewhat rude. She is living the high life, the life where one just soaks in all of the laziness and laxness and does not care about others. And that makes me so sad. She was my best friend, and now we barely talk. When we do talk, it's always short and inactive with tension inbetween. I miss the old days where we would all be together and be happy. But you can't go back to the past.
Now the last thing that is bothering me is once again, people. For some reason, I am always surrounded by immature, rude, attention-seeking people. I'm stuck with the boys who think they are better than others, the girls who act stupid just to look cute, and the people who put themselves down just so others can praise them and tell them otherwise. These are the people who want attention, any kind of attention. They are rude, vile, downright mean and snobbish. I try so hard to block them out as much as I can and so far I have done a decent job. I am just frightened that one day soon I will reach my breaking point.
So tell me. What am I doing?
What am I doing wrong that is making my own life as miserable as it is? Why are my feelings so tense, stressed, and angry? Am I causing this and bringing it upon myself? Or is this all in my head? Am I overreacting, or are these people really crossing the line?
I do not know. And frankly, I do not want to know. I just want things to get better. I want to be happy. I wish.
I have had three bad weeks in a row, and it does not look like it is going to get any better from here. My two closest friends are now living in different cities and I feel so alone. I don't have them with me anymore. When I am with my friends now, I feel like it is not the same. They will leave me out, forget about me, and especially overlook me. It all feels so different, and I don't like it at all. I don't like being stepped on, being forgotten and just passed by. Even the few friends that I do spend time with now, I still feel like I am the one that does not belong. And then there is this girl. I used to consider her one of my best friends, but then she showed me her true colors which was that having fun was much more important to her than our friendship. And then now, I do not want to be her friend anymore, let alone her best friend. But now, she is there every single day around me like she never did anything to hurt me before. And I cannot stand it. Also, one person whom I consider one of my closer friends nowadays is starting to get on my nerves. I never thought it would happen, but sometimes I just cannot deal with her rude remarks, her criticisms, her attitude, and her stubborn personality. I just hate it, and I've tried to get away from them/it all, but it never really ends up working. And most of the time, it just ends up making me sad or even mad.
I miss my two old best friends who moved away to different cities. I could tell them anything and they would always understand me. We enjoyed similar things, we laughed about the same things, and they were great. But now they are both living different lives, and I can barely talk to either one of them anymore. One is getting better and better every day, straying away from her long-term depression and into a new, happy life and I could not be happier for her, even if I costs us not talking nearly as much. The other friend is living a different life. Her new life changed her into someone I don't want to know. Someone who does not mind drug use whatsoever, someone who is sarcastic, temperamental, superficial, lazy, and somewhat rude. She is living the high life, the life where one just soaks in all of the laziness and laxness and does not care about others. And that makes me so sad. She was my best friend, and now we barely talk. When we do talk, it's always short and inactive with tension inbetween. I miss the old days where we would all be together and be happy. But you can't go back to the past.
Now the last thing that is bothering me is once again, people. For some reason, I am always surrounded by immature, rude, attention-seeking people. I'm stuck with the boys who think they are better than others, the girls who act stupid just to look cute, and the people who put themselves down just so others can praise them and tell them otherwise. These are the people who want attention, any kind of attention. They are rude, vile, downright mean and snobbish. I try so hard to block them out as much as I can and so far I have done a decent job. I am just frightened that one day soon I will reach my breaking point.
So tell me. What am I doing?
What am I doing wrong that is making my own life as miserable as it is? Why are my feelings so tense, stressed, and angry? Am I causing this and bringing it upon myself? Or is this all in my head? Am I overreacting, or are these people really crossing the line?
I do not know. And frankly, I do not want to know. I just want things to get better. I want to be happy. I wish.
- Mood:
depressed
What happened to the days when people loved one another? Whatever happened to something called tolerance and staying classy? Now we see hate everywhere we go; we see random acts of rudeness instead of random acts of kindness. If only everyone in the world was polite to one another, caring and respectful. But none of these things I am saying will ever come true because we live in 21st century America. America is full of people who are always begging to differ and will never think before speaking what is on their mind, even if it may hurt someone. If it does hurt someone, half the time they will not even care or feel any remorse. There's no shame, there's no elegance, there's to respect. This whole situation saddens me, but being one girl in this country, this world of millions, no one will care. It is so heartbreaking when I see mean people doing rude things. It just shows that we now need to be taught manners and that we need to be taught how to be respectful instead of it happening like second nature. I wish we lived in a place where everyone got along. This may sound extremely 1960s, but this is how I feel. "World peace and everyone holding hands" sounds foolish and childish, but if you think about it, it would actually change the world, it'd make the world a better place. We would smile at one another instead of throwing nasty looks around. We would help someone if we see someone in need. A shoulder to cry, comfort, anything; but it is all too much to ask for. And the internet? The internet has done many great things for us, but what about bullying? There is bullying in schools, in the workplace, and even on the internet. Cyber bullying may sound pathetic and strange, but it is a very real thing. Just because it is the world wide web where we do not see others face to face, there is still such a thing of being respectful. It is easiest to treat others poorly when we are just typing up a couple harmless words, but they have the same effect. Have we no shame for our actions? Girls are sending others photos of them topless, just hoping to get a reaction. Others are performing hate crimes using violence to show their anger, and anger that can be controlled and can be prevented. Nowadays everyone is judging another, everyone treats others like crap. People often think too quickly; seeing someone with a tattoo and piercings and automatically judging them as a hoodlum. It's even racist, assuming someone is too smart for their own good and automatically hating them just because somebody is Asian. What happened to getting to know somebody first before concluding what you think about them? And what about the Golden Rule? This rule that is reiterated all over America and is taught to elementary school children? Treat others the way you wish to be treated. That has never happened. We sometimes say things that we do not mean. We sometimes do things that we don't realize. If only this rule was real, if only we could think about this rule before we do anything. And if only we knew the difference between right and wrong. It's wrong to deliberately throw an object at somebody when you don't like it; it's called being respectful. You may disagree or you may not exactly enjoy it, but there is something called tolerance and appreciation. You never just downright be rude, but oh of course, that is what happens all the time. Hate is all around us now and if we don't change and if we don't stop, then it will grow and grow until that one day you do something and realize that what you did was wrong. But once again, in the time that we are living in, some things will never change. And thus, I continue to wish that we could be kind to one another. I continue to dream.
- Mood:
disappointed
Many people tell me that I have a strange taste in music. Well you know what? I don't really care, for that matter, this is my music, the music that I love.
The Pixies - Where Is My Mind
One of my most favorite songs.
The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Again, one of my most favorite songs.
Neil Young - Old Man
I think this song is "the" song for me. The lyrics mean so much to me.
Katy Perry - Waking Up In Vegas
It's my happy song. I love dancing to this.
Adele - Chasing Pavements
Adele's voice is so soothing to me, and I love the song's lyrics and meanings. I can relate.
Bright Eyes - We Are Nowhere And It's Now
It's just how I feel.
Bright Eyes - Nothing Gets Crossed Out
The only way I can describe this song is by calling it "my anthem". Every bit of the words and the emotions are what I am, and what I've been through.
Hans Zimmer - Maestro
So maybe there are no words and it was in 'The Holiday', but this is one of my favorite songs. It's so beautiful.
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
This song just absolutely mesmorizes me, every time I hear it.
Maria Taylor - Leap Year
This is a gorgeous song. I became a fan of Maria Taylor after I found out she was associated with Conor Oberst and Bright Eyes. Since then, I love all of her songs, but this song is my favorite from her. The lyrics are so meaningful to me.
X-Ray Dog - Here Comes The King
One thing that most nobody knows is that I love instrumental soundtrack music. X-Ray Dog makes music for soundtracks, and this song was featured in 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe''s trailer.
Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water
Believe it or not, but my own father actually introduced this song to me when he used to sing it to me. It's beautiful. And I love the lyrics.
Bright Eyes - Lua
This is definitely one of the classics, for me, at least. Classics for others may be The Beatles or Ray Charles, but this is one of mine.
The Limousines - Scrapbook (I Have Trouble Remembering Names)
I became a fan of The Limousines when Eric Victorino made the band. Eric Victorino is someone that I have great respect for. Now I was a fan of his old band, Strata, but he decided to do something a little different.
The Lion King - He Lives In You
'The Lion King ' is my favorite classic Disney film, and this song is stunning. I also had the privilege to see this performed live in the Broadway musical, and it was an experience I will never forget.
The Arcade Fire - Wake Up
This is such a beautiful song. I cry when I hear it, it makes me feel free. It is the perfect song for Where The Wild Things Are. This song is one of the songs I want to be played at my funeral, along with 'Meteor Shower' by Owl City and 'Asleep' by The Smiths.
Conor Oberst - Cape Canaveral
I used to fall asleep to this song because it's just so welcoming. I'm a huge fan of Conor Oberst, and this song is my favorite by him. I love the lyrics, just as how I love all of his lyrics.
Angels and Airwaves - The Adventure
This song especially means a lot to me, I think more than any other song out there. And that is because on June 6, 2006, I found out someone I knew had passed away. I turned on my iPod which was on shuffle, and this was the very first song that I listened to since I heard the tragic news. And it was perfect. The lyrics related exactly to how I felt and about the situation that I just started crying. I will never forget that day, and how this song came into my life. "Life is waiting to begin."
The Pixies - Where Is My Mind
One of my most favorite songs.
The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Again, one of my most favorite songs.
Neil Young - Old Man
I think this song is "the" song for me. The lyrics mean so much to me.
Katy Perry - Waking Up In Vegas
It's my happy song. I love dancing to this.
Adele - Chasing Pavements
Adele's voice is so soothing to me, and I love the song's lyrics and meanings. I can relate.
Bright Eyes - We Are Nowhere And It's Now
It's just how I feel.
Bright Eyes - Nothing Gets Crossed Out
The only way I can describe this song is by calling it "my anthem". Every bit of the words and the emotions are what I am, and what I've been through.
Hans Zimmer - Maestro
So maybe there are no words and it was in 'The Holiday', but this is one of my favorite songs. It's so beautiful.
Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
This song just absolutely mesmorizes me, every time I hear it.
Maria Taylor - Leap Year
This is a gorgeous song. I became a fan of Maria Taylor after I found out she was associated with Conor Oberst and Bright Eyes. Since then, I love all of her songs, but this song is my favorite from her. The lyrics are so meaningful to me.
X-Ray Dog - Here Comes The King
One thing that most nobody knows is that I love instrumental soundtrack music. X-Ray Dog makes music for soundtracks, and this song was featured in 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe''s trailer.
Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water
Believe it or not, but my own father actually introduced this song to me when he used to sing it to me. It's beautiful. And I love the lyrics.
Bright Eyes - Lua
This is definitely one of the classics, for me, at least. Classics for others may be The Beatles or Ray Charles, but this is one of mine.
The Limousines - Scrapbook (I Have Trouble Remembering Names)
I became a fan of The Limousines when Eric Victorino made the band. Eric Victorino is someone that I have great respect for. Now I was a fan of his old band, Strata, but he decided to do something a little different.
'
The Arcade Fire - Wake Up
This is such a beautiful song. I cry when I hear it, it makes me feel free. It is the perfect song for Where The Wild Things Are. This song is one of the songs I want to be played at my funeral, along with 'Meteor Shower' by Owl City and 'Asleep' by The Smiths.
Conor Oberst - Cape Canaveral
I used to fall asleep to this song because it's just so welcoming. I'm a huge fan of Conor Oberst, and this song is my favorite by him. I love the lyrics, just as how I love all of his lyrics.
Angels and Airwaves - The Adventure
This song especially means a lot to me, I think more than any other song out there. And that is because on June 6, 2006, I found out someone I knew had passed away. I turned on my iPod which was on shuffle, and this was the very first song that I listened to since I heard the tragic news. And it was perfect. The lyrics related exactly to how I felt and about the situation that I just started crying. I will never forget that day, and how this song came into my life. "Life is waiting to begin."
- Mood:
thoughtful
